#TNGWatch #S01E14 #AngelOne

Another episode I know nothing about, but it has a matriarchal society and a missing starship crew, so I assume it will attempt to deal with sexism again. Worf did just say, “Klingons appreciate strong women,” so brace yourselves.

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Oh my God, Data, Riker, Tasha Yar, and Troi just had this whole conversation about aphrodisiacs. What the hell, TNG?!

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Oh man, the Fashion Talk for this episode is going to be long. I mean, there’s Riker nipple!

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There’s Picard nipple in this too! What is happening?!

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That was a weird and terrible episode. There are so many things going on, but they’re all so boring. There’s the deal with the marooned men on the matriarchal planet who are kind of, sort of agitating for equal rights for men just by existing, there’s a weird flu on the Enterprise in which The Boy was patient zero, and Romulans are sniffing about the Neutral Zone (possibly the most exciting bit in the episode, but we only ever hear about that and never see it). But it’s all so boring. The episode felt extra long because nothing was really happening. Everybody was just treading water until the appointed plot points were supposed to happen. And so much speechifying. From Crusher, from Riker, from friggin’ Tasha Yar. There were two good things, though: Worf sneezing a glorious sneeze, and La Forge taking command of the Enterprise while Picard was sick and Riker was sexytiming Beata, the head of state of Angel One.

Fashion Talk: This episode shows us a lot of weird outfits, man. First there was that tinfoil ski outfit that The Boy and his friend were wearing. It even had a shiny headband for reasons. If the sunlight glinting off the snow doesn’t blind you, those outfits definitely will.

Then, there was the really weird outfits the men had to wear on Angel One, and that Riker put on in order to be diplomatic when he met Beata for sexytimes. It was almost like a dancer’s outfit. It opened in the front (hence the Riker nipple), and the pants were really tight in the crotch and had ribbons tied around the legs going all the way up to the butt. Presumably, this is what the Angel One women find attractive and therefore force all the men to wear, but man, did they actually ask anybody who’s attracted to men about these outfits? Because they were hideous.

#TNGWatch #S01E13 #Datalore

Oooh, I’ve heard a lot about this episode, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen it! Excite!

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The Federation really needs to update their protocols for entering weird new places. How are you gonna scan for viruses and bacteria AFTER you’ve entered a sealed corridor? Seow.

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Wait, Data can be roofied?

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The Boy being told to “shut up” twice almost makes up for the fact that he once again saved everybody by being the first (and only) crew member to realize that Lore had switched places with Data before he started actively attacking, but c’mon, how is the entire bridge crew this dumb? Lore uses contractions, he calls Riker by his name instead of “Commander”, and doesn’t know what “Make it so” means. All of you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves that only The Boy clocked this. And the writers should be ashamed that they wrote this switcheroo so poorly. But I did like the various revelations about Data’s past, though I honestly thought this was already common knowledge in Starfleet. Like, how are you gonna turn on an android you know nothing about, then let him join Starfleet and rise up the ranks? What if he had been Lore? Starfleet is fucking weird sometimes, man.

Fashion Talk: That ensemble they put Lore in after they turn him on is kind of weird. It looks like a bathrobe with pantlegs. And a half turtleneck? I assume this thing is what civilians usually wear in the future, and if so, civilians wear some friggin’ ugly clothes.

#TNGWatch #S01E12 #TheBigGoodbye

Dixon Hill, motherfuckers!

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Wait, why is Picard pronouncing “meta” as “meet-a”? That’s just weird.

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This episode was awesome! I have a soft spot for holodeck episodes, and Picard trying to be a noir detective is one of the best uses of a holodeck (certainly better than Bashir trying to be a secret agent, though I liked that one too). Crusher trying to learn how to “doll it up” from one of the women in the program, and then swallowing a piece of gum, was hilarious. And I couldn’t decide if saying Data was from South America because of his “tan” was racist or not, but ultimately I didn’t care. This episode was too much fun. My favorite bit was probably Picard talking about how real everything felt during a senior staff meeting. He was as excited as I was after watching the Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay footage.

The one thing that annoyed me was that when the holodeck went haywire, it was The Boy and his Hideous Rainbow Sweater that saved the day because of course it was.

#TNGWatch #S01E11 #Haven

I think Riker was about watch some weird musical porn when Tasha Yar called him to the transporter room. Also, a Betazoid Gift Box!

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Lwaxana Troi is in the house! And man, I forgot she had a motor mouth!

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This was a weird episode, what with the arranged marriages and the plague ships and the pleasure planets and the shared consciousness, but it also featured the first appearance of Lwaxana Troi, who is the best character ever. She is loud and brash and speaks her mind and I love her to bits. And she made Picard say, “I am not amused.” Also, Lurch said “Thank you for the drinks.” :D Also, Riker was totally about to watch some porn at the very beginning, which is a weird place for him to start the episode when later he’s gonna get all jealous about Troi’s impending marriage to another human.

Fashion Talk: No The Boy to make fun of this episode, so instead I’ll make fun of Troi’s shiny pink jumpsuit. I wonder why so many sci-fi costume designers envision the fashion of the future so damn shiny! This jumpsuit might actually have been okay if not for the fact that it ended up looking like pink aluminum foil instead of a piece of fabric.

#TNGWatch #S01E10 #HideAndQ

My annoying ex-boyfriend Q’s back! And no Troi jumpsuits!

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Guys, Q is quoting Shakespeare. I’m in danger of taking my obnoxious ex-boyfriend back. Help me, guys. Someone sing Dua Lipa at me.

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This Q episode was good! I think maybe the writers are getting better? Picard calling Riker an idiot was too damn good, and I hope Picard does it more often (at least until Riker grows his sexy beard). Q had some pretty good lines this episode, and I guess the next time he shows up will be as Mortal Q, since he’s being punished? Tasha Yar, though. I think they just don’t know what to do with her. Bonus: Worf growling “This is sex!” was pretty hilarious. This isn’t great by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m at least enjoying myself more.

Fashion Talk: That’s the second time in a row The Boy has worn this particularly hideous sweater with the rainbow on it, but when Riker aged him up 10 years and he was still wearing it, I almost lost it. It turns out The Boy’s hideous sweaters are even more hideous on an older guy.

#TNGWatch #S01E09 #TheBattle

The Ferengi are back! It’s DaiMon Bok this time, whom I’ve heard a lot about, but never actually seen, I don’t think.

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Not bad, this episode. DaiMon Bok wants revenge against Picard for killing his son after an unprovoked attack nine years ago (when the Federation didn’t know who or what the Ferengi were), so Bok uses an illegal Thought Maker to make Picard relive the battle. He also tries to frame Picard with his old ship, the USS Stargazer, though that story thread seems to go nowhere. Bok is ultimately arrested by his own First Officer because Bok’s personal vengeance was an “unprofitable venture”, which is just the most Ferengi thing ever.

Fashion Talk: The Ferengi are still wearing their weird fur vests. I hope that’s gone the next time they show up.

#TNGWatch #S01E08 #Justice

This one’s got almost naked people! What’s with all the sex, TNG?!

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That shit-eating grin Riker has this entire episode is really quite indicative of this whole situation.

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This was a weird episode. I kind of understand the point of the whole “justice cannot be absolute” thing, but they were kind of heavy-handed about it. Also, why set it in what amounted to a weird orgy planet? Did no one think that would be just a little distracting to the overall theme? And why were the “gods” little all-powerful bubbles?

Fashion Talk: the Edo people were obviously wearing sexy clothes so they could sexytime whenever they wanted (which seemed to be pretty much all the time), but if that’s the case, why wear clothes at all? If the answer is “because network television”, then why wear such impractical clothes? I mean, those things were totally riding up everyone’s butts! Also, The Boy wore another hideous sweater, and Troi another hideous jumpsuit (or is it the same hideous jumpsuit?).