Video Game Round-Up! - September/October 2018

Welcome back to Video Game Round-Up! This is a bit late this month as I was trying to finish up Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey (PS4) before I wrote this up, but that game is damn long! I’ve played almost 70 hours, and I’ve still got like three chapters (out of nine) of the main story to do, so this is going to be a 100+ hour game, you guys.

Anyway, let’s talk about games!

#TNGWatch #SeasonTwo #WrapUp

With one notable exception, this season is a lot better than the first season. There are still some pretty dumb and terrible episodes (friggin’ clip show and that horrible "Up the Long Ladder"), but there are also some amazing episodes, which Season One had like none of. The crew is pretty much who they are supposed to be at this point, and we get Guinan, Ten Forward, and the Borg.

Romulans, Klingons, and Ferengi all show up again, but a lot of new races get introduced as well (though we won’t see most of them ever again).

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, though. That notable exception I mentioned earlier is of course Dr. Katherine Pulaski. And her presence marred pretty much the entire season. She was written as bigoted from the very beginning, but in such an unsympathetic way that you couldn’t help but dislike her from the word go (if you want to see how a sympathetic bigot might be written, you need only look at Chief O’Brien and his hatred of Cardassians, which I think starts to develop while he’s still on TNG). I’m legitimately surprised that Roddenberry allowed such a character to exist. He was notorious for not allowing these kinds of things to exist in his utopian future because he firmly believed we would have grown out of that shit by the 24th century (that said, Roddenberry’s progressivism was colored by the fact that he was a straight white man who grew up in the 30s and 40s, so it only went so far, especially where women were concerned).

This season started terribly, and it ended terribly, but it had some pretty awesome things in the middle (and also "Up the Long Ladder"; good Lord that was fucking awful).

Onward to Season Three!

#TNGWatch #S02E22 #ShadesOfGray

Last episode of the season! Which also means last Pulaski episode! Huzzah!

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Ah! Riker’s fever dreams have him shaven again! I don’t like!

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Wait! Is this a clip show?! Of season one?!

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Oh my God, they’re showing all his conquests now! Jeebus.

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Man, how you going to end a season on a clip show?! I understand the behind-the-scenes reasons for this (the show had to save time and money somewhere thanks to the Data-as-Sherlock and Borg episodes), but why make this your season finale? As a viewer in the 80s, I would have thought this was the final episode of the show, never to return! And clip shows are just damn lazy, man!

Basically, Riker gets sick and has to go through his memories while comatose in order to fight off the infection because the medical science on this show makes no damn sense.

Can you tell I hate clip shows?

Still, this is the only TNG episode to feature pretty much every major character introduced thus far on the show (even if most of them were only in the clips, including Worf and The Boy), and the only episode to have both Pulaski and Crusher (but Crusher only in clips).

But still, ugh.

#TNGWatch #S02E21 #PeakPerformance

Sirna Kolrami and wargames! Whee!!!!

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The TOS whistle on Riker’s 80-year-old ship is ❤ Also, I forgot how sassy Sirna Kolrami was! Yas, Queen!

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"It is possible to make no mistakes, and still lose. That is not weakness; that is life." - Picard

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This was a very fun episode! Riker and Picard have to wargame against each other because Starfleet said so (Picard is super against it because Starfleet is not a military institution, but he understands Starfleet has to be ready as they now know about the Borg and the threat they represent [first mention of the Borg since their first appearance earlier in the season]), but while Picard gets the Enterprise, Riker gets the 80-year-old Hathaway, complete with TOS bells and whistles (literally). Sirna Kolrami, a Stratagema grandmaster and all-around tactical genius is aboard the Enterprise to observe, and oh man is he one sassy sumbitch. He’s like a meaner Tim Gunn with the same amount of amazing skill to back up his trash talk.

Riker and his hand-picked crew (including Worf, La Forge, and The Boy) have to resort to trickery and outright cheating to even have a chance of beating the Enterprise, but then the Ferengi attack (I almost forgot about you guys!). Because of the wargames, neither ship has any offensive weaponry, but being tactical geniuses in their own right, Picard and Riker band together and beat the Ferengi by tricking them as well.

The subplot of this episode concerned Data losing to Sirna Kolrami in a game of Stratagema, and then having an internal crisis because he thought he’d made a mistake, which meant that there was some internal problem that his diagnostics weren’t picking up. Both Troi and Pulaski try to cheer him up, but they treat Data like a human, which doesn’t work. Then Picard shows up and gives him that awesome quote and Data is back on the horse! At the end, he has a rematch with Sirna Kolrami in which he decides to go for a stalemate instead of winning, which infuriates Sirna Kolrami until he quits in disgust.

I love this episode! It’s so good! I want to be Sirna Kolrami when I grow up! But I do have questions about Data and the continued insistence that he doesn’t have emotions. He very clearly does. He feels satisfaction and dissatisfaction, he feels assuredness and confusion, he feels some sense of camaraderie, and he feels loss; these are all very real emotions. They are not the big, showy emotions of anger, sadness, or joy, perhaps, but they are facets of them. In fact, I think Data would be better described as on the spectrum. He feels emotions, he just maybe doesn’t process them as well as humans do, and in turn humans don’t know how to interpret the emotions he does show. Data might actually be an early example of autism on TV, even if nobody ever called it that.

#TNGWatch #S02E20 #TheEmissary

The Emissary?! What?! I don’t remember Benjamin Sisko ever showing up in TNG?! That’s a little joke, obviously :D

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I love it when they play poker :D

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Oh shit! It’s Worf’s ex!

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This was a pretty interesting episode with various things going on.

First, the Enterprise has to pick up a special emissary who’s being sent to them via a class-8 probe, which just barely fits one person (the horror I felt at knowing that this person was hurtling through space in what amounted to a coffin was very potent). The emissary turns out to the the half-human/half-Klingon K’Ehleyr (pronounced “kay-laar”), who has a history with Worf. The reason she has to come aboard so quickly is because a Klingon sleeper ship from the 23rd century (when the Klingon Empire was still at war with the Federation aka TOS time) is coming back with the crew about to be come out of cryosleep.

K’Ehleyr and Worf of course have sexytimes after a particularly vigorous exercise holoprogram (the last time we saw this holoprogram, Worf and Riker were exercising together, so does that mean they also...? no, don’t be silly, Adan; that’s just your headcanon talking), but fight about it afterwards because Worf wants to marry her and she’s like, “Dude, it was just sex. Ease up, hoss.” Worf is not happy, and he’s very cold towards her again.

When the sleeper ship T’Ong shows up, it immediately fires on the Enterprise because it’s a Klingon ship still at war with the Federation. Worf and K’Ehleyr trick it by pretending to be the captain and commander of the ship, and K’Ehleyr beams over to take command of their ship and welcome them properly to the 24th century. Before that, she and Worf make up, and she tells him she won’t be so easy to get rid of the next time she shows up (irony!).

I liked that the image of the T’Ong is reused from TOS with a few added effects. Also, the actress who played K’Ehleyr also played the Vulcan Dr. Selar in the Ira Graves episode, and goes on to play a Q in Voyager and an Andorian in Enterprise. The only reason I know this is because the girl said the actress looked familiar, even under the Klingon make-up, so we looked her up :D

#TNGWatch #S02E19 #Manhunt

Lwaxana’s back, y’all!

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I think Lwaxana is the only person in the galaxy that can make Picard feel as uncomfortable as he does this episode. Even Q doesn’t faze him this much!

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Patrick Stewart should just get it over with and star in a 1940s noir detective show. He’d be so good at it!

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Ha! Lwaxana just asked the computer where Riker was, and Majel Barrett talked to herself!

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An entire episode devoted to Lwaxana! Yay!

This was quite fun, and Lwaxana basically ran around making Picard, Riker, and her daughter Troi feel super uncomfortable thanks to the fact that she is undergoing "the phase", a time in a Betazoid woman’s life when her sex drive quadruples. She even sizes up The Boy (too young) and Worf (not human) as possible mates. Picard, being the consummate professional that he is, ducks her entirely, first by having Data crash their date and regaling them with his "wonderful" anecdotes (Data was so excited), then by literally hiding in a Dixon Hill holoprogram until she left the ship.

Having been rebuffed at every turn, Lwaxana saves the day by identifying two assassins who were posing as delegates to a conference she was going to, thereby saving the conference and the Enterprise’s reputation.

Nothing really happened in this episode, but it was fun, and I can’t wait for Lwaxana to come back :)

#TNGWatch #S02E18 #UpTheLongLadder

I don’t remember what this one’s about!

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Guys, why can’t you pronounce "hegemony"? Guys?

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Well, this episode’s pretty ridiculous so far. Also, maybe a little racist? I honestly can’t tell.

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This is a terrible episode with a terrible message!

The Enterprise finds two old human colonies: an Irish one with no technology and on a planet that’s about to be consumed by its sun, but with thriving families (and a lot of farm animals); the other with only five genetically distinct people and a lot of clones that are likely to fail soon, and a bunch of technology. The clones are dying off thanks to "replicative fading" (making a copy of a copy of a copy means a certain amount of degradation with every successive copy, until you finally get to the one that just doesn’t work), and after trying to forcibly take genetic material from Riker and Pulaski (which Riker correctly equates to rape, again without actually using the word), Picard comes up with the "brilliant" idea of merging the two colonies on the clone planet and having them all mate with each other so that both colonies can survive. Pulaski tells the two colony leaders (both men) that this means every woman will have to bear at least three children by three different men in order for the genetic stock to be viable, and the Irish leader readily agrees because of course he does. The clone leader is less happy with this, but only because his society finds sex repugnant. He still agrees in the end. Missing from this discussion? Women (aside from Pulaski, who seems to view all of this as some kind of science experiment).

Setting aside the fact that nobody asked any women from either society if this was something they’d be okay with (and you know the clone women at least are going to be super unhappy with this since their society finds sex repugnant), how is an Irish colony of 200+ merging with a clone colony with only five distinct genetic makeups going to give you a genetically viable society, even with all the crossbreeding?!

Picard, the actual fucking solution to this is to integrate both colonies back into the Federation, which is what you were going to do anyway when you only had the Irish colony to deal with.

The daughter of the Irish leader is made to be a strong independent woman who is not afraid to voice her opinions (she also seduces Riker, which isn’t very difficult at all), but at the end, she doesn’t get a say and is understandably pissed with her father and Picard, but then agrees because she thinks the Prime Minister is rich. What? I’m happy she’s seemingly portrayed as sex-positive, but sex positivity doesn’t translate to “I want to have three men’s babies”, and that weird last minute rationale of “oh, I can marry three rich men”? I mean, what the fuck? Never mind the fact that every woman needing to be impregnated by three different men also means that every man needs to impregnate three different women.

There was also a bit at the beginning between Worf and Pulaski in which the writers tried to salvage Pulaski’s character by making her not a racist, but I think it was too little too late.

This entire episode is a shitshow, and the worst episode of TNG so far.

#TNGWatch #S02E17 #SamaritanSnare

Pakleds! “Make our ship go.”

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It’s the return of Grumpy Picard!

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Worf warns Riker about the Pakleds and is ignored. Troi warns Riker about the Pakleds, and he takes her a bit more seriously. Worf gives him his best, “Bitch, I told you,” face.

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After the Pakleds shoot La Forge, both Worf and Troi give Riker their best, “Bitch, I told you,” faces.

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I don’t remember the Pakleds being such jerks! They shot La Forge like five times, those jerks! But seriously, Worf and Troi were super pissed at Riker for not listening to them, and underestimating the Pakleds just because of the way they talked.

Meanwhile, The Boy and Picard take a trip to Starbase 515 together, one to retake his Starfleet exams, and the other to get his artificial heart replaced (I’ll let you figure out who does which :P). Picard’s story of his run-in with Nausicaans when he was younger is pretty neat, and I remember we get to see that encounter in a later episode.

This episode was not as fun as I remembered, but I think that’s mostly because I remembered the Pakleds as being silly and inadvertent in their kidnapping of La Forge, and not malevolent as they actually were.

#TNGWatch #S02E16 #QWho?

Oh shit, you guys. It’s the Borg. Also, my annoying ex-boyfriend is back, and he’s trying to win back my heart :D

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Ensign Sonya Gomez spilled hot chocolate on Captain Picard :'D :'D :'D

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I can’t remember what life was like before the Borg. Since this episode, we’ve had way more Borg episodes in TNG, plus First Contact, and basically the entire second half of Voyager, but I must have been fascinated and terrified in equal measures during my first viewing of this episode.

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Q is an abusive boyfriend who enjoys the abuse and attempts to gaslight the crew after the fact, saying things like he injects some much needed excitement into their lives when they call him on his abuse. It doesn’t help that, when he’s not being an abusive dick, he’s incredibly charming. In this episode, he is rebuffed by Picard and in a fit of pique, sends them 7,000 light years into Borg territory to teach them a lesson and prove the Enterprise needs Q.

The Borg are truly terrifying. They only speak once the whole episode to warn the Enterprise not to resist (but it’s not their most famous line of “Resistance is futile”), and basically just how ridiculously powerful they are to the point where Picard does beg Q to help them.

Besides giving us the nightmare that is the Borg for the first time, this episode also introduces the fact that Guinan is not human, and is in fact much older than she appears, and that she and Q have a history and they do not like each other one bit.

Some behind-the-scenes stuff: the first season of TNG ended on a bit of a cliffhanger in which various Romulan and Federation outposts in the Neutral Zone had been scooped up and, for lack of a better word, disappeared. Picard and the Romulan Dukat almost have a confrontation over it because they blame each other (the disappeared outposts were mentioned a few times earlier this season, and again this episode when Guinan spells out the link between those scooped-out outposts and the way the Borg scooped up her own people’s cities and whatnot). The first episode of the second season was supposed to be a continuation of that, revealing the Borg as the culprits behind the outpost disappearances. However, thanks the writer’s strike at the beginning of the fall season in 1988, the production team had to modify an unused script from Star Trek: Phase II (a proposed series that would have featured the original Star Trek crew, older and wiser) and make that the first episode of the second season. So we got that horrible Troi-gets-cosmically-raped-and-has-a-fast-aging-baby-the-next-day episode instead.

But this episode establishes the Borg as still very far away, and not hanging out in the Neutral Zone, so I’m not sure if we’re still supposed to think that the Borg are responsible for the missing outposts. If we’re not, what’s actually responsible for the missing outposts? If we are, how will they rectify this discrepancy in location in future Borg appearances?

Extra Fun fact: that same unused Star Trek: Phase II script was the basis for Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which featured V’Ger, and many fans (myself included) consider this the first real appearance of the Borg, though V’Ger would only become the Borg after William Decker merges with it. Spock even says a version of the line most attributed to the Borg about V’Ger: “Any show of resistance would be futile, Captain.”

#TNGWatch #S02E15 #PenPals

I think this is the one where Data saves a child by ignoring the Prime Directive. I think. We’ll find out!

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Huh. Even Chief O’Brien outranks Worf.

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Okay, seriously, if it’s only in place to not let you help people, then fuck the Prime Directive.

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Picard does a better job of explaining the Prime Directive this episode than he did the last time, but I still call bullshit. The Prime Directive seems to be in place only to allow a starship crew to not blame themselves when they ignore a less advanced civilization’s very large problems. “The Prime Directive says I can’t help,” sounds an awful lot like, “I was just following orders.”

Ultimately, Picard chooses to ignore the Prime Directive and help Sarjenka and her people, but after Data brings her on board the Enterprise, Picard orders Pulaski to wipe her memories of ever meeting Data, which is just about the most unethical thing Picard has ever done. I understand the rationale, but I still call the hugest amount of bullshit. A person’s mind is sacrosanct, and you are not allowed to mess with the mind of a member of a less advanced civilization any more than a member of a more advanced civilization is allowed to mess with yours (like the Q, for example). It’s disgusting, and I can’t believe Data was the only person to not be so peachy keen with this (and I suspect if he hadn’t had the personal relationship with Sarjenka that he did, he probably would have been okay with it too).

You are very clearly violating a person’s right to choose, Picard, and this coming so soon after you so eloquently argued in defense of Data’s right to choose is just the most disappointing thing ever.

#TNGWatch #S02E14 #TheIcarusFactor

This is the one with Riker’s dad! I don’t remember if he had a beard as amazing as his son’s, though.

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I feel really bad for the unnamed ensigns and staff in the background when the senior staff start getting into really personal stuff in front of them. If I were them, I’d be all, “Uh... Can I be excused please? This shit’s awkward as hell.”

Also, Riker the Elder does not have a beautiful beard, so I also don’t like him.

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Chief O’Brien is laying down some wisdom for Riker in Ten-Forward about not being able to choose your family. I love you, Chief.

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I don’t understand why parents think they can just breeze into their children’s lives after a long time with no contact and pretend like everything’s perfectly fine.

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Sigh. What is it about fathers and sons and their inability to talk to each other? I mean, I know why, but we surely should have progressed past this toxic masculinity bullshit by the 24th century, no? Again, I understand the show was written in the 80s, which is why sexism and racism still exist well into this supposed utopian future like it ain’t no thing, but it gets tiring, especially when the whole episode is devoted to it in one form or another.

The b-story focused on Worf and his Rite of Ascension anniversary. It’s nice that The Boy went out of his way to figure out what was bothering Worf and attempt to give him at least a facsimile of what he wanted, but why invite Pulaski when she was just gonna turn her nose up at it like the bigot she is?

Ultimately, I was exasperated by this episode and the Rikers’ inability to have a regular fucking conversation. They ended up being okay after some ridiculous pseudo-Japanese martial art competition (the girl rolled her eyes so hard, she went blind for a bit) because that’s the only way men can get their feelings across: with a little bit of the old violence.

Again, sigh.

#TNGWatch #S02E13 #TimeSquared

Time shenanigans? I hope so, but I don’t actually remember what this episode is about!

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Interesting language thing I’ve noticed: when describing a creature that is bipedal and basically symmetrical on a left/right vertical axis, everyone says “humanoid”. This word of course describes all sorts of races, including Klingons, Romulans, Ferengi, etc, but even Klingons, Romulans, Ferengi, etc, say “humanoid” instead of “Klingonoid”, “Romulanoid”, “Ferenginoid”, etc. This is of course because the show was written in the late 80s by a bunch of humans in a universe that did not have alien life, but it’s still really interesting to me.

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Everything is backwards on this future shuttle and future Picard, it leads one to think that this was almost a Mirror Universe episode.

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More ridiculously specious science!

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This episode makes no sense. Why did Picard murder himself? Why did he think rushing into the vortex was the correct option? Why not pin a note to the other Picard and let him go back in time to give yourself a better chance to fix the problem next time?

I understand a lot of Star Trek is not, you know, scientifically sound, but as the girl said before, this pseudoscience is a lot more pseudo than I’m generally comfortable with. Why is the other Picard a gibbering mess until he catches up to his own time? Because really pseudo pseudoscience!

Episodes like this do remind me just how good an actor Patrick Stewart is, though. He’s given this ridiculous bullshit script that some writer pulled out of their ass, but Stewart stills turns in an amazing performance. Sometimes even two performances in one episode!

#TNGWatch #S02E12 #TheRoyale

It’s the Casino Royale episode! Whee!!!

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Picard’s face while listening to the text of the Hotel Royale novel is like our faces while watching most of the first season of ST: TNG :'D :'D :'D

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I love this episode so much because it’s basically a holodeck episode in everything but name.

Some aliens recreate a 21st century novel titled Hotel Royale for a 21st American astronaut that was pulled to this planet by the aliens. Unfortunately, the novel is not very good, and is filled with clichés and shallow characters, and that’s what makes it so fun! It’s like the show writers were given permission to write some things badly, and they went nuts.

I love that the solution to this episode is for Data to win a ridiculous amount at the craps table so that he, Riker, and Worf can become the foreign investors described in the book, and buy the hotel outright. They escape the hotel and beam back up to the ship.

I love this episode so much, I started calling my friend in high school Matthews because his first name was Todd (his surname was not Matthews) because the fictional Hotel Royale novel was written by fictional author Todd Matthews.

And to think, this is only the second-best casino-based episode in the history of Star Trek! The top spot goes to “Badda-Bing Badda-Bang” from DS9 :D

#TNGWatch #S02E11 #Contagion

Iconians? In the Neutral Zone? With the USS Yamato? Sweet!

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Picard mentions his love of archaeology for the first time! Whee!

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And then Picard orders “Tea, Earl Grey, hot” from the replicator for the first time! Yay!!!!

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Iconian Gateway, y’all!!!

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This episode had a couple of cool firsts concerning Picard, and it made my fanboy heart jump with glee. But also, there were Romulans, which are still being vastly underused, and some awesome ancient civilization stuff in the Iconians. Both La Forge and Riker get some neat character moments, and Data continues to remind everyone what a great thing it is to have an android on the team. It’s not a particularly excellent episode or anything, but it was a lot of fun.

Fashion Talk: Did the Romulans get their uniforms from the 80s? Those are some amazing fucking shoulder pads, you guys.

#TNGWatch #S02E10 #TheDauphin

I remember this episode, and it’s not one of my favorites, mostly because I’m not looking forward to seeing The Boy being all lovelorn :P

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Oh my God, we’re only five minutes in and The Boy is already on my last nerve.

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Wait, I take it back. The Boy asking everybody how to talk to girls is leading to some hilarious exchanges. Worf telling him about how Klingon women yell and throw heavy objects while the men read love poetry and duck a lot is THE BEST. And then Riker and Guinan hit on each other while The Boy very quickly becomes a third wheel.

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Okay, The Boy actually has some pretty good game.

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Okay, I’m back to being super annoyed by The Boy, who’s currently acting like a whiny, sulky jackass.

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There were some legitimately funny bits, but watching Anya behave like the worst helicopter parent by basically making Salia a prisoner was not fun. Couple that with some pretty cringey lovey-dovey stuff from The Boy, and I probably don’t have to watch this whole episode ever again. Maybe I’ll just rewatch Worf explain how Klingon men and women woo each other.

Fashion Talk: Guinan’s lipstick game is on point! A deep burgundy, almost purple, that matched her outfit.

#TNGWatch #S02E09 #TheMeasureOfAMan

One of the best TNG episodes ever! And they’re starting with a game of poker! Yay!

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As much as I love “A Matter of Honor”, and as much as I love some of the upcoming season 2 episodes (like “The Royale”, “Q-Who?”, and “Samaritan Snare”), this is the best episode of season 2, and is a contender for best episode of the whole show (though I know a ton of amazing episodes are forthcoming in later seasons).

A Starfleet Commander wants to take Data apart and build more Soong-type androids. Data refuses, of course, so the Commander says Data is Starfleet property and cannot refuse. A courtroom drama unfolds in which Picard defends Data’s sentience and Riker is forced to prove he is just a machine (otherwise, the judge will just summarily decide he is a machine).

There is a scene before the courtroom in which Riker is looking through Data’s schematics and finds his off switch. At first, Riker smiles because he thinks he found his ace-in-the-hole and will win his case, but his smile quickly fades as he realizes what winning his case will mean for Data. It is an amazing scene with no words that makes me think Jonathan Frakes is a much better actor than I ever gave him credit for.

There is another scene where Picard talks with Guinan and she talks about how an army of disposable people would make things easier for humans. Picard catches on, and says, “You’re talking about slavery.”

Seriously, you guys, this is such an excellent episode, and one of the best examples of what Star Trek can be.

#TNGWatch #S02E08 #AMatterOfHonor

I love this episode! Riker joins a Klingon ship on an exchange program, like he’s a college undergrad or something :D

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Ensign Mendon! He looks a lot like Mordock! Hee hee hee.

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"And then I will instruct you in Enterprise etiquette." - Worf to Mendon, which is hilarious.

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This episode was fantastic! Riker transfers and serves on a Klingon ship as its second-in-command, and is just awesome at it. I know that his learning of Klingon culture and etiquette is impossibly fast, but he tries and succeeds at understanding a culture not his own, and adapts to it. Mendon, on the other hand, doesn’t adapt very well even though he arguably has the easier time of it, but fixes his mistake by episode’s end.

I think my favorite bits of this episode were when Riker was eating all the Klingon food before he transferred to the Pagh so that he would be used to it (though I didn’t like it when Pulaski showed up to make racist comments because she is a racist), and at the end when Riker gives command of the Pagh back to Captain Kargan and takes a full Klingon punch to the face to ensure Kargan keeps his command.

Also, the Klingon Battle Theme! Probably my favorite piece of Star Trek music ever :D

#TNGWatch #S02E07 #UnnaturalSelection

I totally remember this episode! Everybody gets super old!

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Chief O’Brien got to speak and he got his name! Yay for Chief O’Brien!

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Chief O’Brien is sitting in on a senior staff meeting and is giving all kinds of good ideas! Dude is making the best of his sudden promotion!

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The science in this episode is specious at best, downright lies at worst :P

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I really dislike Pulaski, and by extension, I dislike episodes that focus on her. It may be that I’m not giving Pulaski a fair shake. I do prefer Crusher way more, and maybe that colors my feelings. But Pulaski has consistently been written as someone who does not think of Data as a person, and I think that’s the real reason I don’t like her, and never will.

That said, Pulaski’s bullshit this episode did at least pave the way for Chief O’Brien to finally be named and get a pretty substantial speaking role this episode. I am a huge, huge O’Brien fan, and I’m happy to see his evolution as a character on TNG before he moved on to star in DS9. Thankfully, that won’t be until after season five of TNG, so we got 3.5 more solid seasons of O’Brien on TNG.

Finally, the science in this episode, from the pathology of viruses, to how the transporter of all things can apparently scrub our DNA, was friggin’ bonkers.

#TNGWatch #S02E06 #TheSchizoidMan

Well, that’s an unfortunate title. And it starts with Pulaski. Urgh.

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Data has a beard! I can’t wait for Riker to see him!

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Well, Ira Graves is a horrible sexist and racist.

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How have you not realized Ira Graves downloaded himself into Data?! This is the Lore situation all over again! You guys are not this dumb!

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Why are the old men on this show so damn creepy?!

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This was... well, it wasn’t a bad episode, but it was very disturbing. Brilliant scientist but horrible human being Ira Graves (who lives on his own planet that he named after himself with only a very young female assistant for company) finds out he is dying and promptly downloads himself into Data, as you do.

The fact that the crew of the Enterprise don’t clock this shit immediately is baffling as hell. Like, you should all immediately know some shenanigans are up when Data starts acting like a weirdo. His super creepy advances on Kareen, the very young female assistant, are extra creepy because you know it’s an old, entitled man.

Dr. Selar was great! We finally get a not-parasite-infested Vulcan with speaking lines, and the actress nailed Vulcan stoicism.

I really wish Data had kept his beard. And that Riker had seen it.

#TNGWatch #S02E05 #LoudAsAWhisper

I don’t know what this one’s about!

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Oh man, four characters stood around O’Brien, and nobody spoke to him! Poor O’Brien, he doesn’t even have his name yet!

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It’s Riva! I remember Riva. He’s a deaf-mute mediator and speaks through his chorus: the scholar/artist, the lover/warrior, and the harmony/balance.

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Man, Riva is super rude for some kind of super mediator. And he’s macking on Troi super hard. And yes, I’ve used “super” three times. Deal with it.

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Pulaski! I totally didn’t miss you in the last episode where you didn’t show up at all :P

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This was pretty good! Riva and his chorus are pretty awesome characters, even if three-quarters of them get horribly killed halfway through the episode. Riva is quite skeevy, though, and I wish people would stop hitting on Troi so overtly.

Data learning five forms of sign language in like five minutes reminds us all what a fantastic thing it is to have an android on the team.

We also get the first inkling of how much pain La Forge is in thanks to his VISOR when he goes to see Pulaski (who still somehow managed to be pretty bigoted about the whole thing; but maybe I’m just so annoyed by her that even the benign stuff seems like she hates people who rely on technology).

Fashion Watch: Riva and his chorus are not dressed like weird future fetish people! Yay!

#TNGWatch #S02E04 #TheOutrageousOkona

I think I kind of remember this one. If it’s the one I remember, Okona is supposed to be a Han Solo-type character? We’ll see!

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Teri Hatcher! So young!

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HA! Lois Lane and Han Solo got together!

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Aww, I feel for Data. He tries so hard to understand comedy and how to be funny, but he can’t because he’s an android with no emotions. Still, Guinan showed up again to try to help him out, and it was pretty cute.

The rest of the episode centered on the Han Solo stand-in Captain Okona being chased by two governments for crimes he didn’t actually commit. He’s suitably roguish, but didn’t seem to have any real personality beyond that, and the ending was telegraphed a mile away. A decent episode in which I did find myself laughing a fair amount at various antics.

#TNGWatch #S02E03 #ElementaryMyDearData

Holodeck episode! Sherlock Holmes somemore!

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Yo, Pulaski, seriously. Stop being a dick to Data.

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Man, La Forge is coming off really dumb in this episode.

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I loved this episode for the same reason I love most holodeck episodes: they’re just fun as heck. But this has the extra pizzazz of a Holmesian London and the first ever self-aware hologram in Moriarty. I know he comes back in at least one more episode, so I look forward to seeing him again.

La Forge is really made to play the bumbling Watson throughout the episode, though. Like, he comes off really, really dumb in multiple instances. And I love that Picard has to come in with his top hat and cane to save the day.

Pulaski is really starting to grate, you guys. I don’t remember her being this obnoxious when I was a kid, but maybe I just didn’t understand all the shit she was slinging in Data’s direction. She’s really quite bigoted, and I can’t wait for Crusher to come back.

#TNGWatch #S02E02 #WhereSilenceHasLease

Well, this is a very mysterious cold opening, innit?

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This was an interesting episode. Nagilum tests the Enterprise crew to find out more about them, including sending a fake Romulan warbird after them, presenting them with a fake USS Yamato for them to explore, and killing one poor redshirt (who at least got a name before he died). But nothing much happened in this episode except some philosophizing, and Worf showing off a bit more Klingon.

Pulaski continues to refer to Data as “it” and “a nonliving construct”, which is annoying as hell.

#TNGWatch #S02E01 #TheChild

Second season starts now! Riker has his glorious beard, Worf is Chief of Security, and La Forge is Chief Engineer! But, what’s this?! Pulaski?! I thought she came in during the third season! Well, I guess the countdown to Crusher’s return starts now!

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Guinan! Ten-Forward! Troi has a better jumpsuit!

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Woah. That was a really weird discussion between Picard, Riker, Worf, and Data about Troi’s rape and subsequent pregnancy, while Troi just kind of sat there.

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Miles O’Brien is back on the transporter controls!

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That was a weird episode to open the season with. Really, not much happened, except that we were introduced to Pulaski and Guinan, Troi had a really weird pregnancy and child (and while she described it as rape, nobody ever called it that), and The Boy decided to stay on the Enterprise even though Crusher became the Chief Medical Officer at Starfleet HQ. Also, that medical guy with all the viruses had amazing hair and an even more amazing moustache. Let’s get better, hey?

PS. The reason Crusher was replaced by Pulaski was due to more behind-the-scenes stuff. Gates McFadden was actually fired because one of the head writers didn’t like working with her. When Pulaski’s character didn’t really work out in the second season, Gene Roddenberry invited McFadden to come back. She was originally going to say no, but then Patrick Stewart called her and convinced her to come back, so we got Crusher back from season three onwards.

#TNGWatch #SeasonOne #WrapUp

This was an incredibly uneven season. It had its moments of brilliance, and a few shades here and there of what it becomes in the future, but it was mostly filled with meh episodes, and a fair amount of truly terrible episodes. I am fairly impressed that they very rarely relied on what had come before, however. The Klingons and Romulans, aliens that were known from the OG series and films, only show up in one episode each, and Vulcans only show up once or twice (I only remember that Admiral from the body horror episode). Everything else is quite new and fairly different. OG Trek was getting into scrapes all the damn time, while TNG tries really, really hard not to.

The cast mostly gels into what I remember by the end of the season, though Worf and La Forge are still in command red, and Riker’s face is still naked, but there’s a lot less grumpy Picard, and Data kind of steals the show every time he shows up. Tasha Yar gets the boot, and The Boy really disappears from the last few episodes, showing up almost as an extra only a few times since the episode in which he took the Starfleet exam and didn’t make it.

Now, onward to Season Two!

#TNGWatch #S01E26 #TheNeutralZone

The last episode of the first season! Finally! Also, will we finally see some Romulans? Maybe!

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Haha! Worf just walked into a door that he assumed would open for him automatically.

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Gul Dukat is in this episode! I mean, not Gul Dukat, but Marc Alaimo, the actor that plays Gul Dukat in DS9. He’s a cryogenic survivor from the 20th century and wants to read a copy of The Wall Street Journal. Adorable.

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I was wrong! Gul Dukat is a Romulan commander, not a 20th century obnoxious human!

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This was a pretty meh episode to end a season on. Don’t get me wrong, the Romulans saying, “We are back,” is a pretty good end-of-season stinger (delivered by Gul Dukat cosplaying a Romulan, no less), but they only showed up at the very end (though at least this Neutral Zone episode wasn’t a tease like the the last one was). This episode was mostly about the cryogenically frozen 20th century American humans and their hilarious misunderstanding of how things work now. It felt like an undercover Very Special Episode about how we’re too materialistic. Still, better than most season 1 episodes.

#TNGWatch #S01E25 #Conspiracy

Wait, is this a follow-up to that one episode with the Admiral shenanigans?

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Holy shit, this episode is super disturbing.

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Holy shit! Why am I suddenly watching a Cronenberg movie?! Ahhhh!

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This was a really good episode, but it was super horrifying! That conspiracy that one Admiral talked about is picked up here. We find out that various key Federation personnel are infested with these horrible parasites. I mean, they are super horrible to look at.

The conspiracy is quickly unraveled (because we only have one episode to deal with this), and it ends with some body horror worthy of Cronenberg. The main host has a Raiders of the Lost Ark face-melting scene before his entire ribcage is exposed and this huge parasite comes out of him, Alien-style (only bigger and with less chest left on the host). This is after a bunch of admirals eat some crawly grubs and the main host swallows a smaller parasite.

The whole episode is such... urgh (that onomatopoeia is not strong enough for the sounds of revulsion I am actually making). After seeing the main host’s insides, I got a flashback to the first time I saw this episode as a kid (when I promptly freaked the fuck out) that I had clearly suppressed.

#TNGWatch #S01E24 #WellAlwaysHaveParis

I have no idea what this episode is about, but Picard is fencing and there are timey-wimey shenanigans, so I’m excited.

Also, how come every time the Enterprise wants to take shore leave, some bullshit happens?

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Wait, why is Denise Crosby still on the credits? Is Tasha Yar gonna show up because of timey-wimey shenanigans?!

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That look Riker and Data gave each other when seeing Picard’s ex for the first time is 100% the look friends give each other when they meet their other friend’s ex for the first time. Possibly the best acting in both Frakes and Spiner’s careers.

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What’s better than one Data? Two Datas! Manheim Effect FTW!

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Jenice Manheim, what are you wearing?!

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What’s better than two Datas? Three Datas! Wait, isn’t “Data” already the plural? Whatever! Manheim Effect FTW!

Also, how you gonna keep anti-matter in a pod made of matter, Star Trek? That shit should be exploding all over the place.

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This was a decent episode, but unfortunately more attention was paid to Picard’s romantic escapades than to the awesome time “hiccups” and alternate dimensions. Like, how are Jenice Manheim and Jean-Luc Picard gonna flirt with each other when her husband is dying in the next room? Also, why is Crusher getting jealous? At least she focuses on her job instead of satisfying Troi’s apparent need for gossip.

Fashion Talk: Seriously, what was Jenice Manheim wearing? It was a pair of floofy pantaloons with a weird top that had slits on the sides and a full back, and all of it was in a very shiny, rainbow silver. The fashion of the future is awful.

PS. Tasha Yar did not show up; I just forgot this show premiered in 1987 and they couldn't anyhow change the titles, so Denise Crosby's name will remain until the end of the first season.

#TNGWatch #S01E23 #SkinOfEvil

The episode we’ve been waiting all season to watch: the death of Tasha Yar! Whee!

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Holy crap, that was a super shit death! I thought she would at least put up a fight! Dang, Denise Crosby got done dirty.

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Armus is a psychopathic dick. He bullies everyone else and blames other people for his actions. Presumably, Republicans will nominate it for President.

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Worf, you have pronounced the word “Prieto” three different ways, all of them wrong.

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There was a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that led to this episode. Even though Tasha Yar was the focus of a few early episodes, Denise Crosby felt the character was getting shunted to the background, and ultimately decided to leave. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this turned out to be a really pointless episode, remarkable only because they killed a main character. And Tasha Yar had the cringiest lines all the way to the end, meaning the writers really did have no idea what to do with her.

Tasha Yar does return in a later season, thanks to timey-wimey shenanigans, and Denise Crosby also plays Sela, the half-Romulan daughter of Tasha Yar (timey-wimey shenanigans), in some of the best episodes of TNG (at least from what I remember), so it’s not all doom and gloom for Tasha Yar (I mean, I have three Denise Crosby personnel cards from the Decipher Star Trek CCG - Tasha Yar, Tasha Yar-Alternate, and Sela - so Denise Crosby is well-represented).

Hopefully, she’ll get way better lines.